When Brotherly Love Isn't Enough
Wrapping up our series on the definitions of love this month with phileō, known as the brotherly love.
We’ve talked about cheçed—the steadfast lovingkindness of God scattered throughout the Old Testament stories and prophecies. We’ve looked deeper at agapē—the committed covenant kind of love we see throughout the New Testament. We explored lesser-used words for love throughout the Bible, and that brings us to our final few words in Greek that are translated as “love” in the English New Testament.
To wrap up this series, we’re going to look a little deeper at phileō, what’s known as “brotherly love” and how our perspective of love ties into one or all of the definitions we’ve considered this last month.
I just binge-watched Love is Blind (the first half of Season 6—don’t judge me). There are some fascinating conclusions about love you can draw from that show or how we see “love” play out in our world today, but all it will do is confuse you if you don’t have a foundation of true love to come back to. Luckily, we do.
We have come to know and have believed the love (agapē) which God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.
1 John 4:16 NASB
As previously mentioned, it seems pretty obvious to me that the world (or mostly, America) is at odds with each other on many topics, and it all comes down to love. It’s not just about loving or not loving each other though; we can’t seem to agree on a definition of love. That’s why I wanted to embark on this series, and I have some concluding thoughts. But first, let’s define our final Greek words for love.
The Word: Love
Before we get to the big kahuna, I want to share a few lesser-used words in Greek.
Strong’s G5360 | philadelphia
brotherly love (3x), brotherly kindness (2x), love of a brethren (1x)
kindness, charity, and friendly affection toward others
Keep on loving (philadelphia) one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
Hebrews 13:1-2 NIV
Strong’s G5361 | philadelphos
used once in 1 Peter 6:8
loving one like a brother or sister
Strong’s G5362 | philandros
used once in Titus 2:4
specific affection of a wife
to love your husband
Strong’s G5363 | philanthrōpia
used twice: kindness (1x) and love toward man (1x)
benevolence and love for mankind
Love | Phileō
Strong’s G5368 | phileō (fil-eh'-o)
Phileō is translated as love 23 times and kiss twice in the New Testament (KJV).
to be a friend to
to approve of
personal attachment/affection
more instinctive feelings, a reaction of love directly from the heart
to delight in and long for
“Phileō is never used in a command to love God.”1
On that day you will ask in My name, and I am not saying to you that I will request of the Father on your behalf; for the Father Himself loves (phileō) you, because you have loved Me and have believed that I came forth from the Father.
John 16:26-27 NASB
God phileōs humanity because we are His Creation, and He delights in us. Jesus showed phileō best as He walked with the disciples as a friend with deep feelings of affection (consider His reaction to Lazarus’ death, washing the disciples’ feet, etc).
The distinctiveness between agapē and phileō is that agapē is a constant love out of commitment, deep compassion, honor, and duty. “We love because He first loved us”—that kind of love.2 Phileō is cut from the same cloth but a more reactive kind of love, simplified and out of feeling not out of duty, responsibility, or commitment.
When we consider what is more loving to our neighbor—to speak truth to them in kindness or to let them live the life they want and show up for them, affirming whatever actions they want—I would argue that the latter is more phileō. It’s not that it’s wrong to love someone where they’re at with friendly affection and care. We are called to do that in some situations, but agapē runs deeper and is a commitment not just to each other but most importantly to God.
The way we are called to love our neighbors (agapē) is rooted in a foundation of covenant care which far supersedes the desire to be liked by them or make them feel perfect the way they are.
If God loved us only with phileō then we would have no way to reconcile with Him and be in Heaven at the side of Jesus.
And he said to him, “You shall love (agapē) the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love (agapē) your neighbor as yourself.”
Matthew 22:37 ESV
It should be clarified here that you can’t just go around shouting truth at strangers and call it love because I’m claiming that agapē holds people to God’s standard of righteousness.
Agapē is characteristically rooted in relationship first and foremost.
When you are called to agapē your neighbor (Matthew 22:37), it means to get to know them, enter into a relationship with them, sacrificially care for them, and point them toward the love and grace of God.
To put it plainly:
I see progressive Christians clamoring for a phileō type of love for all people which is beautiful and godly but falls short of our ultimate calling of love. Alternatively, I see many conservative Christians demanding that the intense way they direct people to God’s standards of righteousness is loving, and they’re right, but they neglect the relationship-first part of agapē which is found in phileō—brotherly love.
We need to start with phileō but not end there. Jesus came as a friend, but what He unraveled to His friends throughout His life and ministry was that there was a much deeper love and commitment we were called to, agapē love that He was inviting us into with Him.
The good news of the gospel is love—and it’s both phileō and agapē (and starts with cheçed really). Let the former lead to the latter when God, yourself, and your neighbor so that you and all those you love might experience that abundant life God offers to those who follow Him.
Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible
1 John 4:19
These distinctions between the definitions of love have been so helpful - thank you!