For Those Deemed "Too Much"
A cry for changing our perspective on treating other humans like they are "too much" and the attempts to minimize their God-given personalities to make others feel more comfortable.
Do we scoff at the Redwood as it shoots high into the sky with a trunk as wide as a house?
Do we tell the birds of the air to stop their morning songs lest they be too distracting for our tasks at hand?
Do we pluck the wildflowers from the miscellaneous and unexpected places they grow, simply because we can't stand the sight of such unapologetic beauty?
No. Rather, we stand in awe. These extraordinary beauties bring us joy. We're amazed at the overwhelming creativity of our Creator.
Yet, when we consider the work of our Creator's hands where He imparted His unique image, we demand less. We beg for smallness, minimizing the intensity of some people's passion, voice, and creativity. Don't we know that's just asking them to minimize Imago Dei within them? Don't we see that the “too much” they portray is often just an outcry of the Holy Spirit doing work in and through them?
When did we become so blind to God's final creation that we began to demand silence from the very nature of God within us?
David marveled at the way God created humans uniquely set apart from other creations, but we tend to let God’s best creation take the brunt of our judgment and unholy reactions despite the innate image of God within them.
“When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?
You have made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.
You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
you put everything under their feet:
all flocks and herds,
and the animals of the wild,
the birds in the sky,
and the fish in the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.” (Psalm 8:3-8)
I don't know when it started for me. I was constantly in trouble for talking too much in school, to the point of detention once. We won't even discuss how often I was in trouble for the dumbest things in 7th grade (okay, maybe I bent some rules too…). As I flourished into a young adult, I found all these little traits that made me, me. I was never short of opinions and not one for stillness and silence. I craved control—always wanting to take over the plans for youth group events. I was the natural leader of my friend group for most of high school. In any debate, I vehemently defended my position. I was never directly told that I was being too much from what I recall, but there were subtle hints from adults in my life for as long as I can remember.
The prim and proper church girl would never miss a Sunday. She would look nice, smile at every adult she met, shake hands respectfully, hold back her sarcasm, and assure those in charge that everything they did was great, even when it came back to bite her.
I once was accused of having romantic feelings for my youth pastor because my personality (big, loud, fun, sarcastic) was perceived as flirty and inappropriate. I was astonished and angry because this was just me being my full self, and I never had any feelings for him other than that of a trusted leader/brother-like figure. It’s funny; I don't recall boys with the same personality being accused of flirting with female leaders… But that's a post for another time.
Recently, some coworkers and I discussed people who apologize more often than they should. I shared my theory that the majority of those people are women. A few coworkers agreed and someone asked why we think that is.
My male coworker immediately responded, "From a young age, I think women are taught—sometimes subconsciously—to take up less space." I'm not sure I could have said it better myself.
On the tip of my tongue was, "We're raised to be smaller than we are," but I wasn't sure if that was just my own inner dilemma. (Is it time for therapy again?)
I was raised by loud and proud parents. My mom is a force of nature who can make just about anything happen. She has a big heart that often shows up in a big personality. My dad is creative and is never one to shy away from sharing his bold opinions and daring ideas. We laugh a lot in our family, and we also tend to fight—big personalities…
I'm not saying the things I felt were always welcome in my home, but, in general, I was encouraged to be vocal, opinionated, creative, and energetic. Now, let me clarify, lest rainbows and butterflies overshadow the picture I've painted of myself. I naturally carry the more negative-opinionated-angry-tears type of energy. Anger is often harder for people to accept, especially from a woman...
As I reflected on this idea of being "too much,” I can confidently say that most of these thoughts personally came from outside my home. It came from the people who raised me on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and a week or two out of the year.
But I’m less concerned with where it came from at this point in my journey. I’m more concerned with how we (those who are deemed “too much”) carry ourselves and, maybe more importantly, how the rest of God’s people treat those with bigger personalities.
So, to those who feel like “too much” or are coerced into taming their inner fullness of self for the comfort of others, I say:
Be bold like the eagle who, when attacked by a crow, doesn’t attack back but simply flies higher to a height the crow can no longer withstand.
Stand tall like the Redwood that is so deeply rooted no winds can tear it out of its foundation.
Find bravery like the wildflowers that sprout in any condition because they know that to grow where they’re planted and flourish uncontrollably is a more vibrant life than to be stifled by the way humans have decided to carve paths in their soil.
Be attentive to the softness within you that beckons you to draw deeper roots in rich and real friendships, but don’t force quietness on the parts of your soul that God destined to be bold.
If we don’t shun the ocean waves for crashing violently on the shoreline, yet we stand in awe of their power and glory, so should we when we see God’s children boldly speaking out and embracing the abundant life Jesus offers.
The bravery it takes to be your full self is met with disdain in many places, but especially in the church, when it should be met with the respect and honor we give to nature every day. It’s not just a human being we are greeting, it’s the image of God within them that we respond to.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
The next time you have the feeling that you’re “too much", remember that is the fullness of God’s image within you, and to hide it out of fear of rejection or not fitting in is to hold back on honoring God fully with who you are.
The next time you think to yourself that someone is “too much”, remember they are made fully in the image of God just as you were, and that is how they were uniquely created to shine the light of God in this world. Different isn’t bad. Different is the mosaic of God’s creativity on display in humanity, and that is never too much.
Goodness, I relate to this. Thank you, Stephanie❣️
Excellent post Stephanie! The Psalm verse is our verse for the Gala!!